Laughing Gas: The Love of My Life.

For Christmas this year, I was lovingly given 2 CDs from my pesky 12 year old brother Eric (the new T-Swift and an old Celtic Thunder album), a lovely amount of cash from my mom's boyfriend, and a new North Face Denali jacket from mommy dearest.  Oh, the topper on all of it?

WISDOM TEETH SURGERY.

DUN DUN DUN!!!!

Automatically, you assume what?  Pain, swollen cheeks, penguins (hey, I associate wisdom teeth surgery with penguins) and lots and lots and lots and lots and lots of drugs.

So essentially, my mom got  me pain and Vicodin for Christmas.  Oh, and a lovely jacket that I'm currently all tucked into right now.  Along with a story about how with multiple discounts and a new Macy's card, only cost her $75.

That's right, ladies and gents.  A brand new North Face from Macy's, typically costing up to $200, was bought by my mom in the off-sale season for $75.  You'd think that I'd have gotten this gift too, but nope.  I still overpay for everything.  Did I mention that my mom once found a 24 karat, HUGE ruby bracelet outside Dunkin' Donuts in New York nearly 12 years ago?  I think she's magic.  All I've ever found was a cat with FIV.  Note to readers, do not take in stray cats that have a tendency of fighting with coyotes.  Even if she is absolutely adorable and named Sandy and would sit on your butt for hours.  Just don't do it.  Luckily, Sandy now lives with my neighbor's grandmother in a nice farm where she sits in a basket and drinks straight up cream.  Heck, we only have fat free milk in my house.

I don't know if you guys can tell, but I think I have ADHD.

Back to the lovely story of wisdom teefies!

By the way, when I looked up pictures of wisdom teeth to show you guys, all I found were a bunch of gruesome sights like this

and pictures of Taylor Swift. o.O
I really don't her similarity to a bunch of molars.

Anywhoo, I arrive at the surgeon's office Thursday morning at 10:30 am, nearly crying because the one day my mom decided to indulge and get Krispy Kremes, I can't eat for hours.  The mere sight of seeing two people who say they're family stuff their faces with donuts is quite excruciating when you haven't had anything to eat for the last 16 hours. But alas, I stop in and take a seat in "The Captain's Chair". 

Looked more like a medieval torture device to me.

But I make myself comfortable and hum happy songs to myself (ie. I Dreamed a Dream from Les Miz) while the nurse readies my large vat of drugs.  I place the laughing gas tube over my nose and..and...ah...ahh...

askhgiakulebsgajbglakuhrgkaug ooooooohhhhhh.

Dude.  That. Is. The. Greatest. Thing. In. The. World.

Only the nurse didn't think so, since I started laughing in a creepy, sinister way.  Not the typical "ahahahaha!" as exemplified here by these fine gentlemen

...but more of a "MWAHAHAHAHAHAH I EAT YOUR BRAINS" sort of laughing.  I don't remember this.

But as I laugh, and apparently plot World War III (which by the way, is going to happen between the alpacas and llamas), they jab a needle into me and I blink. 

One blink later, there's dentists above my head peering into my mouth which means..."THEY'RE GOING TO CRUSH ME MOUFF WITHOUT ME SLEEPING!!!!"

My muffled screams were cut off my a cheerful "Okay Jess!  You're all good to go!"

I can only drool in response.  And then puke.

But my mom had been expecting me to be all sad and groggy when I came out of surgery, so imagine her surprise when I exploded out of the surgery room demanding a milkshake.  Which led me to be placed under serveillance for the next two days, which I find very insulting.

No pain, no swelling, the only issue was, they gave me too much tongue paralyzer and I couldn't talk for the next 3 days.  Meaning I didn't get to go to work, or any good New Year's Eve parties :[

So with lots of laughing gas...
Miss Fruitcakey